You’ll have to forgive me (Well, you don’t have to) because I tend to insert sentences within sentences, and sometimes sentences within the sentences that are contained within sentences. It can be a little difficult to read and follow my trains of thought.
To better facilitate the opportunity to advance my education, I have the wondrous opportunity to work for this “Metropolitan Research University of Distinction” ,AKA BSU, as a custodial technician. (Did that sentence sound pretentious enough for you? Writing pretentious discourse is what we English majors do best.)(Actually, we are just custodians. If they called us custodial technicians they’d have to pay us more. I love the politics of language.) While I’m glad that I have the opportunity to go to school without paying tuition, it’s not so great spending my nights cleaning up other people’s messes. Especially when those messes are created by my co-workers.
This brings me to the point of today’s post: Señor Cigar. (I’m not sure why I say “Señor.” He’s not Spanish or Mexican or anything of the sort) Señor Cigar is an “older man” (PC for geezer) who walks around all night with a cigar in his mouth. He doesn’t light it while in the building, thank goodness; but he chews on it all night long. Some day he’s going to trip and fall on his face. His cigar will be pushed up his throat and he’ll choke to death. I probably won’t do anything to save him because I’ll have to a: give him the Heimlich maneuver, which I don’t know how to do, or b: reach in and pull that fat thing out of his mouth. And there’s no way I’m reaching into his mouth. Gross! But, back to the subject at hand.
Señor Cigar is in charge of cleaning the restrooms this month. (We rotate duties every month. This month I get to do hallways, stairwells and elevators.) If you’ve ever worked with Señor Cigar, you know that his being on restrooms is a bad thing. A VERY BAD THING!!! Have you ever been to a restroom at a truck stop or gas station that looks like it hasn’t been cleaned since the Reagan administration? I’d feel safer using one of those than using a restroom that’s been cleaned by Señor Cigar. And I’m only slightly exaggerating. Last summer when he was in charge of restrooms we (a co-worker and I) decided to do a little test to see how often he lifted up the seats to clean the poop splatters underneath. We took a dry erase marker and wrote on the bottom of the seat: “Last cleaned 5/7/07. Three weeks passed by, in which I completely forgot about having done that. One night Señor Cigar called in sick (We prayed he would get better soon(said somewhat sarcastically)) and another co-worker, who we’ll call Paul (Logical, seeing as how that’s his name) was assigned the task of doing Señor Cigar’s restrooms. When he got to the aforementioned toilet he called me over. “Look at this! This hasn’t been cleaned in almost 3 weeks!” The message was still there, bright and clear, except for the poop splatters all around it.
We brought this to the attention of our supervisor and all he said was “Well, Señor Cigar is getting old, and doesn’t move so fast anymore.” He didn’t care and did nothing. This made me realize that I was doing way too much work. Why should I put any effort into cleaning if Señor Cigar doesn’t have to?
Anyways, if you are on Boise State campus this month, do not use the following buildings: Mech. Tech. , Technical Services, Applied Tech., Diesel Tech., Culinary Arts, Extended Studies and A&E Services. Yep, we get to clean 7 buildings every night.
To better facilitate the opportunity to advance my education, I have the wondrous opportunity to work for this “Metropolitan Research University of Distinction” ,AKA BSU, as a custodial technician. (Did that sentence sound pretentious enough for you? Writing pretentious discourse is what we English majors do best.)(Actually, we are just custodians. If they called us custodial technicians they’d have to pay us more. I love the politics of language.) While I’m glad that I have the opportunity to go to school without paying tuition, it’s not so great spending my nights cleaning up other people’s messes. Especially when those messes are created by my co-workers.
This brings me to the point of today’s post: Señor Cigar. (I’m not sure why I say “Señor.” He’s not Spanish or Mexican or anything of the sort) Señor Cigar is an “older man” (PC for geezer) who walks around all night with a cigar in his mouth. He doesn’t light it while in the building, thank goodness; but he chews on it all night long. Some day he’s going to trip and fall on his face. His cigar will be pushed up his throat and he’ll choke to death. I probably won’t do anything to save him because I’ll have to a: give him the Heimlich maneuver, which I don’t know how to do, or b: reach in and pull that fat thing out of his mouth. And there’s no way I’m reaching into his mouth. Gross! But, back to the subject at hand.
Señor Cigar is in charge of cleaning the restrooms this month. (We rotate duties every month. This month I get to do hallways, stairwells and elevators.) If you’ve ever worked with Señor Cigar, you know that his being on restrooms is a bad thing. A VERY BAD THING!!! Have you ever been to a restroom at a truck stop or gas station that looks like it hasn’t been cleaned since the Reagan administration? I’d feel safer using one of those than using a restroom that’s been cleaned by Señor Cigar. And I’m only slightly exaggerating. Last summer when he was in charge of restrooms we (a co-worker and I) decided to do a little test to see how often he lifted up the seats to clean the poop splatters underneath. We took a dry erase marker and wrote on the bottom of the seat: “Last cleaned 5/7/07. Three weeks passed by, in which I completely forgot about having done that. One night Señor Cigar called in sick (We prayed he would get better soon(said somewhat sarcastically)) and another co-worker, who we’ll call Paul (Logical, seeing as how that’s his name) was assigned the task of doing Señor Cigar’s restrooms. When he got to the aforementioned toilet he called me over. “Look at this! This hasn’t been cleaned in almost 3 weeks!” The message was still there, bright and clear, except for the poop splatters all around it.
We brought this to the attention of our supervisor and all he said was “Well, Señor Cigar is getting old, and doesn’t move so fast anymore.” He didn’t care and did nothing. This made me realize that I was doing way too much work. Why should I put any effort into cleaning if Señor Cigar doesn’t have to?
Anyways, if you are on Boise State campus this month, do not use the following buildings: Mech. Tech. , Technical Services, Applied Tech., Diesel Tech., Culinary Arts, Extended Studies and A&E Services. Yep, we get to clean 7 buildings every night.
Due to the graphic nature of the subject, I decided not to use any actual pictures but these drawings to illustrate my point.
Start of the month:
End of the month:
2 comments:
That is hillarious and a little bit disturbing!
blech!
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